Gaffe Man

Gaffe Man

Political correctness ain’t gone mad
it’s gaffer taped and bound and gagged
so let’s say something really bad
introducing Gaffe Man!

Bowles club blazer, old school tie
Prince Philip but a touch more spry
keeps them busy at Private Eye.
What a guy! Gaffe Man!

The flames of scandal neatly fanned
by cries of Bongo Bongo Land
and other verbal contraband.
The liberal queue to reprimand
the far right honorable gentleman
introducing Gaffe Man!

Take cover kids, it’s Gaffe Man
dropping anti-PC bombs
a moralistic crap hand
played with blundering aplomb.

The Twittersphere is all a ROFL
he’s left his folder in a brothel
Women, housework… [waffle waffle]
Purveyor of awful oral offal
Gobble Gobble. Gaffe Man!

The French, it’s always seemed to me
are all called Jacques and stink of Brie
the Spanish, yes, well let me see
they’re greasy, and in Germany
they’re gearing up up for World War Three

Yup, meet your local MEP.
Hell, make him foreign secretary
Zipp-ed-ee-doo-da, zip-ed-ee-dee!

Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
Is it a chartered surveyor?
NO! It’s Gaffe Man

And after each repugnant turn
we watch his leader, grin and squirm
as shame and anger rage and burn
behind his plastic perma-gurn
It makes us yearn for Gaffe Man!

Fuck that fucking Gaffe Man
He’s gone and fucking fucked it.
My Valued colleague Gaffe Man is
refreshingly unreconstructed.

MPs these days come in a kit
all PPE with zero wit
less militant, more Millitwit.
We need a change and this is it:
Yes! Some old duffer talking shit.
Gissa bit of Gaffe Man!

A glory hole to a rancid soul
akin to those of Twitter trolls
a neat parade of open goals
that stack all the opinion polls
against the likes of Gaffe Man!

So bring him on, bring all the sleaze
that fuels the slingshot journalese
he’ll bring those bastards to their knees
Be upstanding please for
Gaffe Man!

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