Browsing Category : Poems

Inn Crowd Blogs #5: The Ship Inn, Levington


Wednesday 7th November, 2018 As I getting ready to leave yesterday I met a bloke called Alan Greening. Alan rather marvellously appeared from a five foot wooden door next to the hearth. It looks like a cupboard door. How long had they kept this white-neared gentleman in there for? Actually it turns out the door was for a staircase and…

Inn Crowd Blogs #4: The Ship Inn, Levington


Tuesday 6th November You find me east of Ipswich this morning at The Ship Inn in Levington. It’s a lovely old boozer: thatched, big hearth with a large woodburner, polished oak L-shaped bar, red-tiled floor, open beams separating different section of the bar room. There’s also a ship’s wheel, resting on the floor and leant against the bar. It’s warm,…

Talking Statues


I was involved in a really interesting project in Norwich this summer. Talking Statues invites writers to write monologues for various statues around the city. People are then invited to scan the code or follow the link and you can listen to the monologue on your phone. I really loved the idea and was delighted when they asked me to…

O! Charles!


Yesterday, for the first time, I was moved to verse on the subject of the monarchy. Perhaps I WILL be Poet Laureate after all. Read this for a bit of context. O! Charles O! Charles! A score of monarchs on your shoulders – severe and heavy – like the Habsburg jaw. If not for all this circumstance and ritual you’d…

Once You Clear The Bodies


Once You Clear The Bodies “There’s a group of UK business people, wonderful guys … And they literally have a brilliant vision to turn Sirte … into the next Dubai. The only thing they’ve got to do is clear the dead bodies away and then they’ll be there.” – Boris Johnson, British Foreign Secretary, September 2017 Come now, native, wipe…

Let’s All Go To Grammar School!


Let’s All Go To Grammar School Let’s all go to grammar school! Ink wells! Blackboards! Metre rules! Arithmetic and joined-up script and all that Goveish rose-tint schtick. Yes! Let’s all go to Grammar school! Where the oeuvre of Rupert Brooke is read by apple-cheeked young men! Let’s all go to Grammar school! Let England’s leafy suburbs ring with Latin verbs…

It’s Great To Have My Country Back


It’s Great to Have My Country Back The dream of ’45 is dead united Europe full of lead division reigns but SHIT THE BED it’s great to have my country back! The markets shake like Georgie Best as Farridge thumps his flabby chest and struts about like Kayne West. It’s great to have my country back! Auf Wiedersehen Miss Merkel…

Judge Crush


Judge Crush “On yer feet” the court clerk growls Then in he sweeps – a glour of scowls a scattergun of plummy vowels a crude shiv in the felon’s bowels. He’s wiser than A THOUSAND OWLS! He’s eighty-nine with cracking jowls and my libido howls and howls and howls I got a Judge Crush Jury duty just got fruity whisper…