One Week In

My life as a father is almost a week old now and I love it. I love it so much. I’ve decided not to write about my son on here as the danger is you end up like Julie Myerson. What I will say is that I’ve realised how fucking brilliant it must be to be a baby. A baby gets fed from a boob (a boob no less!) and can shit himself whilst doing it. Let’s see The Fat Duck try and top that dining experience. And afterwards it gets cleaned up for him and he gets a new outfit. It’s a baby’s life for me.

Sucking on boobs then loosing a boot
Making grown men coo by being so cute
I’m sorry father, was that your best suit?
A baby’s work is never done !

Taking my time in the birth canal
Making my parents’ conversation banal
you know mummy had me right after a phaal
A Baby’s work is never done!

Making daddy forget his rock n roll past
Good nights sleep dad? Well, that’s your last
Get over here bitch and wipe up my arse
A baby’s work is never done!

… to be continued …

5 Comments

  • Paddy June 9, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    That photo of your armpit is the single most erotic thing I’ve ever seen. I think it’s because it’s your armpit and it’s got a hole in it.

    Reply
  • elaine June 9, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    ouch, get well soon

    Reply
  • Yanny Mac June 9, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    People without jobs aren’t all rabid dog-breeders!
    Some of us suck on boob & shit ourselves all day.
    (New outfits are somewhat restricted by the lack of disposable income)

    x

    Reply
  • Lizzie June 11, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    Wow. Congrats on your new baby and on being savaged by a man-eating alsatian! What a week! Who knew such things happened in Norwich?!

    Reply
  • TC June 15, 2009 at 2:07 am

    Genius!

    Reply

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