Saw footage of Cameron giving his talk in Norwich in front of a couple of naff banners marked “Cameron Direct.” Ha Ha Ha. What a twat. Cameron Direct. Oh wow! He’s like so approachable! Like the Tory teen agony aunt we never asked for.
Hey Dave, I really want to ask Cindy to the dance, but I’m scared, what should I do?
Hey Dave, my parents are like really hassling me about university but I just want to smoke doobies and finger hotties, what gives?
Hey Dave, I like totally terrified of the rise of the new right-wing all over Europe. If supposed moderates like yourself are prepared to share a platform with East European racists just to pull apart the EU what hope can my generation have?
I was about to say I hate Cameron as much as the next man, but I don’t. I hate him more. A lot more. I hate him more than Thatcher and her lot. At least they didn’t pretend to be nice. He’s a cunt. He’s a slimy, Eton-educated, PR-obsessed ex-TV executive. He’s literally everything people hate about London. He has no idea what life is like for the average person, nor will he ever, nor does he care. Scratch away the tacky green eye shadow and his eyes are a steely blue. It’s all guff, lies and spin and when he gets in we’ll be begging for Gordon Brown back.
But that said, I think there’s a lot of fuss being made over nothing in regards “accent-gate.” Whilst in Norwich Dave was talking about ID cards. He said it was a potentially threatening situation (on this issue, at least, I agree with him) imagine, he said, being out late at night walking the dog when someone approaches you and says: “‘Where are your papers?’ That final line he delivered in an exaggerated German accent, ‘Allo ‘Allo style.
It was hardly Griffin-esque. It was just recalling The Great Escape and other war movies. We all know what he meant, so let’s stop pretending to be so ‘offended.’ The Daily Mail has called it ‘patronising,’ but what I find patronising is this idea that we are all so easily offended; that the newspapers have to wade in at the slightest slip and defend our moral outrage. TV and live comedy is littered with people doing accents and impressions, often not much better than Dave’s. Gently ribbing is not xenophobia.
I appreciate that his detractors are going to jump on this, much as the Tories would if a Labour MP did the same, because it’s perceived to be outside of the unwritten laws. But for Christ’s sake, who cares! It’s so fucking dull and it’s only made a fuss off because we have turned politics into a soap opera and we need the odd light story line.
We live in a country that has just voted in two openly racist MEPs and we’re worrying about David Cameron doing a turn as Lieutenant Gruber. I’m in equal measures bored and angry, and that’s a crap state of affairs.