Browsing Category : Podcast

It’s Great To Have My Country Back


It’s Great to Have My Country Back The dream of ’45 is dead united Europe full of lead division reigns but SHIT THE BED it’s great to have my country back! The markets shake like Georgie Best as Farridge thumps his flabby chest and struts about like Kayne West. It’s great to have my country back! Auf Wiedersehen Miss Merkel…

Judge Crush


Judge Crush “On yer feet” the court clerk growls Then in he sweeps – a glour of scowls a scattergun of plummy vowels a crude shiv in the felon’s bowels. He’s wiser than A THOUSAND OWLS! He’s eighty-nine with cracking jowls and my libido howls and howls and howls I got a Judge Crush Jury duty just got fruity whisper…

Battle


Lora Stimson and I have made another song. This one is called Battle. It’s a song for when the drinking has stopped. Battle The cash machines are out of service bled of notes for beer and chips the dirty city doorsteps strewn with chicken wings and pizza crusts. There has been a battle here. The soldiers long since carted off…

Poem for a benefit gig in aid of the refugee crisis


Poem for a benefit gig in aid of the refugee crisis Showmepicturesofcoffinsshowmebodiesfloatinginwaterplayviolinsandshowmeskinnypeoplelookingsad. Showmepicturesofcoffinsshowmebodiesfloatinginwaterplayviolinsandshowmeskinnypeoplelookingsad. Showmepicturesofcoffinsshowmebodiesfloatinginwaterplayviolinsandshowmeskinnypeoplelookingsad. Showmepicturesofcoffinsshowmebodiesfloatinginwaterplayviolinsandshowmeskinnypeoplelookingsad.* So, maybe, we’re just Warhol’s worn out kids: we’re numb, been rubbed so hard the doctor’s pricks elicit nothing save the tiniest of blinks: our petty dramas clog our kitchen sinks and everything beyond that’s sales or myths. But if that’s true, then what’d you…

Glam Dad’s Lost His Rag


Glam Dad’s Lost His Rag Those kids will never know the pain they bring to Britain’s former foremost lie-in King. Oh Sunday bloody Sunday, pig-shit head his veins an ache and squirm, his tongue half-dead and still they roar their push-me-pull-me blows falsetto tuneless shrieks to Let It Go! She kicks him in the shin, when will he learn? A…

Have a Gong!


It’s that time of year again …. Have a Gong! Hurrah! New Year! Let’s play Who’s Who the list please George, let’s keep it blue… Yes, yes, of course, about time too! Have a gong, have a gong, have a gong! Oui Oui a KBE for Arthur and my sister’s husband’s father better not forget my barber. Have a gong,…

Stay-at-Home Dandy (The Album)


I’m releasing my fourth spoken word album this month. Stay-at-Home Dandy was all written in the last year and features a mix of comic and quieter more personal pieces. It’s also got my best ballads to date on it – The Toll, Mr Hooper’s Half Term and The Night Before Christmas. It was recorded just up the road in Beccles,…

The Panel (edit)


I posted this poem is October. It was a visceral writing experience and something I felt I really had to put out into the world. I’ve been performing it on the John Cooper Clarke tour and it’s been getting a good response. I think a lot of us feel the same: we see the most vulnerable in society losing right…

Now The Last Poppy Has Fallen


Five poems about life in Essex in World War One, one for each year of the war. Commissioned by The Last Poppy Project. August Bank Holiday, Essex, 1914 To Essex then, one hundred years ago to sun-scorched, dusty fields and parched stream beds. Where windfall codlings pock the russet earth, September’s fruits come early, and to waste. At Boreham Reverend…