Judge Crush
“On yer feet” the court clerk growls
Then in he sweeps – a glour of scowls
a scattergun of plummy vowels
a crude shiv in the felon’s bowels.
He’s wiser than A THOUSAND OWLS!
He’s eighty-nine with cracking jowls
and my libido howls and howls
and howls
I got a Judge Crush
Jury duty just got fruity
whisper it, Milud’s a cutie
sexy never looked so snooty
droopy beauty
I’ve got a Judge Crush
Those liver spots! They look so good
a rich dark brown like Christmas pud
the foreman nods and says “I would”
we got wood!
I got a Judge Crush
Perched stiffly on that padded bench
he nods off to the evidence
Christ Alive! That lawman’s hench
lips quivering like praying tench
He’s ubermensch
I’ve got a Judge Crush
Take me where the crime is filthy
that old geezer’s G-G-GILFY
Watch me plead. I’m guilty! GUILTY!
Milky Milky
I’ve got a Judge Crush
I picture him in Judge’s Weekly –
(gavel pincered half effetely
wig between the legs discreetly)
Truly, madly, judgey, deeply
Meet me!
I got a judge crush
Swear me in on a Mills & Boon
the Bailey’s decked in gay festoons
the court reporter’s not immune
he’s typing like a pissed baboon
Order! Order! Hashtag swoon
Fly me the moon!
I got a Judge Crush
Come Milud, let’s cut this short –
Grab your black cap, clear the court
sentence me to la petite mort
You’ll be glad you got caught.
I’ve got a Judge Crush