Ron’s Knockoff Shop

Ron’s Knockoff Shop

Cool London sloths go North to Bolton.
Oz – proto fop on lots of pot.
Hol – posh kook; long socks, blond flop.

Bolton’s not so droll.
Bolton’s not got Rococo blocks.
Bolton’s not got dons or profs
Bolton’s got no dotcom showrooms
no comforts for London cohorts.

No, Bolton’s got lots of old workshops
lots of soot
lots of fowl old folk
(orthodox lowbrows
who mop floors or drown sorrows)
Oh, poor old Bolton. Soz.


Lo! Bolton’s got Ron Ock –
odd-job bod, compost gob.
Ron’s shop flogs knock-off dross:
low cost LOCOG togs,
non-cotton “Cotton Socks,”
row on row of dolls for tots,
old promo photos of Bjorn Borg,
poo-brown ponchos,
goth porn, crossbows, off food,
docks for “oPods.”

Ron’s old now,
Ron’s got no boss.
Ron’s got know-how.
Ron knows how to hold forth,
knows how to shop for top knockoff tosh,
knows how to coff-off no good cops.

Front of shop:
Ron plonks bottom down on worn old stool
scoffs pork roll,
downs shots of scotch,
croons old Motown songs,
blows soot, blows snot, blows bottom off.
Ron’s dog, Bozo, growls soft growls,
both bollocks lollop.

London toffs stroll from block to block.
Oz spots Ron’s old shop.

“Oh cooool shop!” Oz hoots. “Hol look!”
Hol looks: “Oh wow!”
Hol drools on Ron’s hotchpotch lot of knock-off rot.
“Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh Oz!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!”

London sloths blow lots of dosh
on Ron Ock’s cosh of knockoff tosh.
Oh Ron Ock!

“Good, good” Ron scoffs, “now sod-off.”
“Sod-off. Oh, so … NORTH!” Ho ho ho.
Sloths opt not to sod off.
Sloths opt to stroll off, so so slow.

Ron LOLs
rolls sloth’s dosh.
“London morons.”
Locks shop for long month off.
Roll on tomorrow.


  • Harry Campbell October 19, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    Well done sir.
    (By the way, a ban on all y’s seems draconian. As a proper vowel sure, but as a semivowel, like w? If you can have “growl” why not “boy” or “yoyo”?)

    • lukewrightpoet October 27, 2015 at 8:03 am

      I think that’s a good point Harry. I might allow myself boy, as the first draft had that in. ta!


Leave a Reply