PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARTIN FIGURA

LUKE FOR LAUREATE

Mission Statement
Back Story
The History
Proposals
Luke on the streets of Bedford

Mission Statement

I know I've never had a collection published, read Paradise Lost all the way through or been a life long member of the Labour Party. But I perform poetry about 200 times a year, and I think I bring poetry to new audiences. I wouldn't want to be Poet Laureate if the role stayed as it is, I think people should vote for their Poet Laureate not have a Downing Street approved choice blessed by the Queen.

So my campaign is not so much a campaign to get me elected, rather to get the whole process changed. And hey, once we've killed this out dated royal tradition and made the post fresh and relevant then yes I'd gladly do it.

I think poetry is a fantastic way to express yourself. Poetry can make people laugh, cry or smash things up. Poetry can make people feel good about themselves, and it can be used to annihilate popstars in rhyme. I love it and would stick up for it in any fight.

Let's rescue it from Clinton Cards, shave it's head and let it go and smash up some preconceptions.

Back Story

In 2005 I was touring the UK with Aisle16, performing our big stupid poetry extravaganza with white suits - Poetry Boyband. At the Edinburgh Festival I received this review from an audience member:

“Some good stuff amongst the righteous hectoring, but Luke Wright badly needs sterilising.” 2/5 FD

FD hated my poetry so much they thought I shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce; that my one purpose on this planet as defined by biology, should be taken away from me and that controlled amounts of radiation be used to kill the sperm cells in my body so that I would never be able to father a child.

And not just that - I BADLY needed sterilising. This wasn’t a casual suggestion. It wasn’t like he ways saying, ‘oh and by the way, if you get a chance, and the necessary equipment and qualified medical official, could you possibly see your way clear to being sterilised… NO - this was something that really should have happened a long time ago. My sterilisation was over due.
On that day my world turned upside down. I now knew that poetry could grab the balls of the nation. I knew that the nation wanted to grab the balls of poetry back – and in my case rip them off.

I realised that poetry could make a difference – if only to my legacy.

(Incidentally, I didn’t get sterilised I had a vasectomy. I hope this is ok, FD? My life does feel empty now. But I do aim to please. I cry, you laugh. That’s art. Oh, and when I laugh and you cry that’s Britart.)

The History

I started investigating the history of the Laureateship. The first thing that struck me was many of our greatest poets were never poet laureate: the role was created after the death of Shakespeare – for example. But it also passed over Keats, Coleridge, and Le Bon. There are reasons for this: Keats died aged 25, Coleridge was too off his face, and Le Bon was the lead singer of Duran Duran and therefore deemed too silly to be considered for the role.

Which is a shame when you think he penned nuggets such as this:

"Some people call it a one night stand but we can call it paradise"

Oh yes, that line ensured I was a virgin until the age of 23.

Anyway. Despite the glaring omissions, or maybe because of them, the history of the laureateship is very interesting. For many years poets were chosen for the role on political persuasion first and literary ability second.
And people have always mocked it. Thomas Gray, for example, turned down the role citing it as ‘the queen’s personal rat-catcher,’ which is an 18th century phrase meaning ‘Royal bum licker.’

Satirical poet Alexander Pope – notice his large satirical forehead - was particularly scathing about a laureate called Lawrence Eusden. What I love about Eusden is that nobody has anything nice to say about him. Nobody.

Laurence Eusden is a universally derided figure. The most complimentary online description I found on him is this:

Laurence Eusden (1688-1730).
Laureate 1718-30.
Eusden never published a book of poetry. His work is mediocre.

Ouch! Pope says:

"Eusden, a laurel'd Bard, by fortune rais'd,
By very few was read, by fewer prais'd.."

His entry in the Britannia Encyclopedia reads thus:

"Laurence Eusden won appointment as England's poet laureate in 1718 by flattering a powerful noble … He is now remembered chiefly as a frequent target of satire in the works of Alexander Pope, a great English poet of the early 18th century."

I'm sure FD would have said something along the lines of:

“No good stuff, just righteous hectoring, Laurence Eusden really badly needs sterilising.” 1/5.

And the best thing is – he looks almost exactly like embittered falsetto goon art Garfunkel:

Now, it does comfort me that if I were to become poet laureate I would not be the worst PL ever. Which is why my campaign slogan is going to be:

I’ve done better than Eusden

My Proposals

Currently the job is handed to the Laureate by the monarch as this ‘great privilege.’ Thepoet's hand get their hands ied. There’s a pressure to try and represent everyone, and in so doing they produce poetry so bland it could easily have come out of a book that looked like this:

If the PL was voted in they would feel like they had approval to carry on writing poetry as they had done before – You could get some really engaging outlandish stuff. Though, you might find that people just vote in exactly the same type of poet as we have now. But if we in the West stand for anything surely it is the pretence of democracy.

I think the PL should be run as follows:

1) A panel of distinguished figures make a list of ten candidates for the job – this panel would consist of literary editors, writers, journalists and someone irritating like Kate Thornton who’s knows nothing about poetry.

2) The ten are given an equal opportunity to get their poetry across to the nation via an official website. Or maybe even a TV series where the candidates have to live together in an ivory tower.

3) The public vote for their favourite and he or she then holds the post for two years. During this time they write a daily blog, publish a weekly poem on some great national debate or event, and appear on channel 4 eulogising the 1990s or something.

4) The post would be independent from both Whitehall and the crown. They would be paid a decent salary – as opposed to the current deal - £5k and 700 bottles of sherry. That’s not a great advert for job – five grand and enough booze to drink yourself to death with.

I think the weekly poem would be a really good thing. Currently the PL doesn’t have to write any poetry as all. That’s such a namby pamby way of dealing with an artist.

No No, don’t worry if you can’t think of anything you can go and play in the sandpit until breaktime.

Bollocks, make them work. Let’s see them tackling the great issues of the day. In the past it’s produced great poems.

Dryden wrote about the Popish Plot. John Betjamin tackled the malaise of suburban life. And Lawrence Eusdon took on … no great debates. Unsurprisingly.

Luke on the streets of Bedford

I haven't just been sitting on my arse. I've been out there finding out what people think about poetry. Below is a video of my time spent confusing the young folk of Bedford.

NEWS

01 May - I will be on Radio 4's Saturday Live at 9am on Staurday 3 May. I will be reading two topical poems penned on the day. Eek!

10 April - I am part of the collective running a new literary cabaret called HOMEWORK. We have a five show season planned at The Horse & Groom in Shoreditch. See our MySpace or our E-Flyer.

09 April - I am to host and perform in a new radio pilot for Hattrick. The show is provisionally called Trashcan. We have recorded a live show and are currently in post-production. More info here

24 March - I will be taking a new show of poems to Edinburgh. A Poet's Work Is Never Done will play The Zoo Venues 10-16 August at 9pm.

Buy Luke's poetry record on CD. The Rise and Fall of Luke Wright, Esq features 12 of Luke's best poems, all for £6. Buy it here.

Buy Who Writes This Crap? By Joel Stickley & Luke Wright from Amazon.

All content © Luke Wright. The author asserts his moral right to be identified as the author of this work.