I’ve been listening to a fair bit of Noel Coward of late - here’s the result:
It’s Splendid Being The Infidel (a song for a musical)
They say the world is heading for a meltdown.
They tell me change is coming and it must.
They say that we’re not free
but if you’re asking me
I’d say that most of us aren’t all that fussed.
Yes, life is rather jolly here in Britain.
We’re lolling in a warm suggestive fog.
What need of I for vicars
when I can drop my knickers
then share the gory details on my blog?
It’s stunning what the human mind can do
unshackled from the fiery threat of hell.
I’m lost in dirty thoughts
and not the least distraught
Yes, it’s splendid being Infidel.
It’s wonderful to be the Infidel.
No curate keeping track of all my sins.
When a finger points at me
it means I’ve won the lottery:
It’s You! Now spend it all on pointless things.
So toss your holy books onto the fire
and come and have a cheeky smoke round mine
I’m lying in my filth
and perving on G-GILFs
but that’s not sick - she’s only thirty-nine.
I’m bloody thrilled to be the infidel.
No omnipresent git to cramp my cool.
For life is non-stop gaiety
when you are your own deity
and you and only you can make the rules.
All these religious wars
are nothing but a bore
so tell me now how many have been felled?
You’d burn far fewer flags
if you had porno mags.
What price a wank in these Jihadi cells?
Yes, I’d rather be a heathen
I like my bosoms heaving.
In karma terms I think do quite well.
And though you find me wanton,
you will never find me wanting.
Oh it’s splendid being the infidel.
