Ohhhhh, it’s New Year’s Eve tonight, or NYE as the Nightclub industry would have it. Which makes it sound like a gay club.

Talking of clubs, I ain’t doing that. No way. In fact in an ideal world I’d be in my Andy Pandy PJs by half eight with a nice cup of cocoa and asleep [...]

When we moved in we got bored f sitting on the old lady’s carpet so we ordered a new one. Then we got all our furniture and books and things. “It’ll be easy,” we said, “we’ll just move the books to one side and redecorate when we feel like it.”

You never feel like it. It’s [...]

Boxing Day. All that family shit out the way time to go to DFS.

We tested the sat nav out today and headed down to the PC World sale. It started at 7am. 7am? Who the fuck gets out of bed at 6.30am on Boxing Day and heads down to PC World. By the time we [...]

Hello. It’s Christmas and I haven’t watched any TV yet. Not bad going. Sal and I are back with my parents in Coggeshall, the idyllic Essex village I grew up in, right in the heart of Lovejoy country.

I’m listening to the Martin Hannett cd that Sal got me using the in-the-ear deep bass earphones that [...]

Last night Yanny and Suz came over for a spot of dinner. Sally did a rocket salad with chevre, cherries and walnuts followed by salmon with boiled potatoes and broccoli. Gorgeous. The starter was particularly awesome, I don’t normally like chevre but the hot cherry jam melted it ever so slightly, really creamy and tasty. [...]

When I was 14 I wasn’t very cool. I gelled my hair forward, I liked Guns n Roses and I played golf. However, golf did allow me a few opportunities to hang out with older (and seemingly much cooler) people than myself.

I had a little crew of 16 and 17 year old friends that I’d [...]

Ever dressed up in a Camel costume and gate crashed a John Cooper Clarke gig?

I have.

It was all Martin Newell’s fault. He had wanted to get a pantomime horse, but the Mercury Theatre in Colchester rightly feared we shouldn’t be allowed anything they might want back. So a moldy old camel it was instead. [...]

I finished at New Writing Partnership yesterday, and today I’ve got last gig of the year.

Xmas poetry with Johnny Clarke and Martin Newell holds a special place in my rancid, blackened poetry heart. It has been running every year since 2002, but prototypes of this event started 10 years ago when Martin Newell let Ross16 [...]

I shot home from work last night and tidied our flat. Yanny Mac and his finacee Suz were due to be round by 8.30. They pithed up at 7.15 meaning I didn’t get any of it finished. Still, nae mind, I got to have a beer instead, which is ultimately much more fun. Suz performs [...]

I’ve spent the last two weeks performing two shows a day in the high schools of West Sussex. It was a strange experience I spent the majority of my time alone, either in my car travelling or at home at night whiling away the hours with re-runs of Top Gear, deciding how best to exterminate [...]

I love blogging. It’s me mouthing off, why wouldn’t I like it? Problem is, I am also a lazy arse, so I’ve let my blogs fall fallow over the years. Until now I’ve been posting on MySpace, which despite being fairly easy to integrate into the design of my website is a fag to update [...]